Howdy...

No specific topic today. Just wanna say that after the confession, everything's back to normal day. I'm still their loving son. But it doesn't mean they are accepting. They just take it as if they've not heard and we live peacefully ever again....

So I've Done It

So it rained this morning. I was hoping that sunny day will come out after the rain but it seems no. Grey clouds still casting over the sky.

This morning, at breakfast, mom has asked me again why was I so moody since last night. I was hesitated to answer her, but she has put all her tries to find out the reason I was moody. I wasn't really moody by the way, I was just giving a deep thought of what's my option about the love bite I tried to hide.

Anyway, so she forced her way to the answer and I've told her that I like guys. I'm not sure if that's a bad move or what. But I can see her face of concern has turned so much to a sad face. She is a traditional lady and wouldn't have approved of such thing. But, she hold her tears well. We both didn't shed a tear but we both know well how hurt our hearts were. She tried to convince me to love a girl but I just couldn't tell her that it's not possible. There goes more worries for her.

I was silent all the time hoping she'll just take me as I am. I let her convince me to like girls but I know for sure that won't happen. Giving a false hope to a girl is more cruel than lying to myself that I'm straight.

Anyway, I hope this will all pass soon and that she quickly recovers from such an impact. I know I cried as I was on my way to office. What bout her? Did she cry too? Most likely, I hope. Or it'll be a suffer for not releasing such emotion.

After my confession and her advices, she only said she's going to the bathroom and ask me to drive safe as usual. But behind the back I know well all emotions have turned out from her. Have I passed the ball to her? Or have I made my case worse? All I can hope for is the silver lining comes quickly for a new hope.

Back to work.

I had sex again today....

The title may sound casual, but it may not seem as so. Recently I've met a guy over the net and he was eager to meet up. So, we have made it today. In the evening, I met up with him in hotel and we would then start with the routine. Kissing, sucking and sort. I won't go to the details, but in the middle of having fun I felt him giving me a love bite on the neck. I stopped him in time but it turned out too late.

After the fun, I've noticed a love bite forming the size of a 10 cent or slightly bigger than that. What's done is done. So, I didn't put the blame on him or anything. But that gives me a trouble to think. On the way home, I've thought of many ways to deal with it. But I have no other ideas but to hide it with a collar shirt as a temporally measure. However, as I was searching options of cloths. My mom became suspicious and came over trying to talk to me. Maybe I've put up my deep thought face too much that shows in my expression. I made it as casual but knowing that my options are limited now. That they wonder if anything has happened to me. Their worries made me wonder what should I do over this situation.

Some more, seeing the size of the love bite. I don't think I can hide any longer as they will find out soon enough. 1st of all, I usually wear singlets at home. What brought me to wear collar shirt is 1 suspicious. But that is the least I would worry because of all the reasons they wouldn't have thought of me having sex. But if they were to have found out the love bite what would their response be? I wonder.

So, now my options are only either to tell them the truth that I had sex with a guy or I hurt myself. Although I would say the 2nd option is obviously a lie to them. I honestly am thinking of telling them that I'm GAY! But should I? I'm in a delima now that I would not want to hurt my parents nor don't want them to start blaming themselves for who i am but I wouldn't want to lie to them about my secret, especially seeing that how they worried about me tonight.

Honestly, the thought of letting them know the me inside hurts my feeling but I can't seem to hide this forever. So, I try to seek for advice here and hope for a reply here. I'll take the 1st reply as my answer. But hope that won't be some meaningless advice.

Night everyone.

A Song I like...

What Am I Up For??

People seem to have left me messages in PlanetRomeo or ManJam and we became friends. And I took them nicely as friends. However, certain people just seem to think of getting me to be their bf. Which I honestly didn't think of so. Am I being choosy here? I wonder.

I do have interest at some guys. But I never did my approach. Then, there are guys telling me how crazy they are to me. I just don't know what to respond to these. Maybe I'm just not open to people. Or I'm just too selective. I don't know. But do people out there just give a try to anybody who is interested to them? Cause that I know of, we only have met and some even only online. I've not met in person nor have I know of him enough. To start a relationship like this is just too odd. Do you agree?

Also, there's another type of people who likes to force you to answer. I've met some people, they just keep on asking you "Do You Like Me?" again and again. And I've only met him like at that time. Well, if he's super handsome.. I'll drop dead to say "Yes I Do." lol.. but no. Few more times of forceful questions like this and I'll just reject him.

But I wonder how will I do if I were to meet with someone I really interested and wanted to further our relationship. Can I easily get him or I'll be just like the same as those up for me. It's Karma... hahaha

Horny season?

Recently... there are more people interested in me. But I wonder why? Have I turned more handsome? But even if I have, I have not uploaded any new pictures to my profiles... Then, must it be my photo? They turned more handsome.... hahahah.. that's not even possible. I'm still fat as usual in the photo. Even if I initiate a conversation with someone I think handsome, there's always no response... So, I have concluded that there is only 1 condition to direct people to me. It's Horny Season.

Well, obviously it is not only to me. I'm just one of the beneficial. People tend to send me messages, ask me go yam cha, ask for sex and so and so. Well, some I entertain, some I dunno what they want.. probably just to say hi. Anyway, I'm pretty horny too lately. Had few sex cam, 1 HJ and fix myself most the time.. hahahah..

Hmm... have I turned this blog into a sex report? Well, I don't often post a blog due to busy working. Or there's no special thing happening in life. But now, my friend and I are having a carpentry project. hehehehe.. Although he came out with the idea and he did most of the carpentry.. but I still want to get involved.. How I wish to have a family like him... which can do all sorts of DIY.... my family is just too lazy at all these (that includes me). LOL..

Well anyway... if the product is completed.. I'll try to post a photo here... for you to judge.. who knows.. I get to sell this to people.. Ciao..

P/S: "The Talented Mr Ripley" is the book I'm reading now... Loved the movie... anyone has completed the book?

Friends Forever??

Well, I have a friend and we are quite close. He has a gf, also my ex classmate cum ex colleague. We often hang out together. Had fun together and pretty much do many things together.

However, today, I'm not quite happy. Because, when we plan to have a BBQ, must I be involved in every way? Today, I was just too busy to have a chat with them and told them to plan it I'll just follow. Then, the gf suddenly said that I always am the one not doing anything. I'm the one that always come with empty handed and I'm the only one not doing the cleaning up and I'm the one that's not doing anything. In other words, what I have done is just washed to the drain. Fine. I may not be the one to do the marinating, I may not be the one to bring the BBQ stove I may not be the one to bring all the necessary utensils. Big deal. But I do help to cook to clean up to cut the meat and sort on. And those are nothing I've done. I've even sometimes bring over the stuff to be used. Joined them to go shopping for things and materials. Then OK... I've not done anything. Fine. And what I most unhappy of is maybe they are just taking it a joke. I don't know. Since I left the conversation. So, they made an issue of my not involvement. Then decided the duty of that day. So, I'm the one to buy drinks, I'm the one to do the cooking, I'm the one to do the cleaning and they the one to sit and enjoy the dinner. Great... what a friend. I wasn't going to make an argument but I don't see that why I have to do all these then. I'm just too lazy to argue with them. Rather, I skip the chat and do my work. Let them have all the fun. Fine then, since those are my duty then I'll do it. Satisfied. There's no point to start a fight and lets not be friend. Why would I do that. But as long they see that I DID NOT JUST COME TO EAT AND SLEEP then I'm fine. I may not have done that much as they did. But at least please lah appreciate that I did contribute.

And most of all. Me having lots of job, doing some managerial works and "Oh now he's the manager.... " attitude. I hate that when they group me that way. While they are the "slaves". I did not choose to be manager. And most of all I'm not even a manager. I'm just a Lead. That's a big diff and is the most not nice job. Of cause my responsibility at work is more but don't think that I earn more and I'm the "Manager". I have nothing to do with the "Manager". I'm just like them a slave. Why can't they see that point. Who thinks that being the Manager means more relaxing and can assign people to do all the dirty jobs. I'm the one to take the hit and I'm still bloody working hard in the rat race... Can they see that? I'm always involved with all the meetings. I'm always late with pending works, I'm always trying to fix others' works than mine. And they claim to be the "Slave". Have they not known that sometimes being the slave is better than being the leader. Gosh... I'm sick of that when they make fun of "He's the Manager..." joke. Can they imagine that why do I always work late in the office when they are having fun out there. I sometimes have to go back on weekends just to finish off some urgent stuff.. and they take me as a joke.......

Well, sorry readers. These are just my rant. I just can't get somewhere else to frust. So... I'll bla it all out here. Good night.