So I've Done It

So it rained this morning. I was hoping that sunny day will come out after the rain but it seems no. Grey clouds still casting over the sky.

This morning, at breakfast, mom has asked me again why was I so moody since last night. I was hesitated to answer her, but she has put all her tries to find out the reason I was moody. I wasn't really moody by the way, I was just giving a deep thought of what's my option about the love bite I tried to hide.

Anyway, so she forced her way to the answer and I've told her that I like guys. I'm not sure if that's a bad move or what. But I can see her face of concern has turned so much to a sad face. She is a traditional lady and wouldn't have approved of such thing. But, she hold her tears well. We both didn't shed a tear but we both know well how hurt our hearts were. She tried to convince me to love a girl but I just couldn't tell her that it's not possible. There goes more worries for her.

I was silent all the time hoping she'll just take me as I am. I let her convince me to like girls but I know for sure that won't happen. Giving a false hope to a girl is more cruel than lying to myself that I'm straight.

Anyway, I hope this will all pass soon and that she quickly recovers from such an impact. I know I cried as I was on my way to office. What bout her? Did she cry too? Most likely, I hope. Or it'll be a suffer for not releasing such emotion.

After my confession and her advices, she only said she's going to the bathroom and ask me to drive safe as usual. But behind the back I know well all emotions have turned out from her. Have I passed the ball to her? Or have I made my case worse? All I can hope for is the silver lining comes quickly for a new hope.

Back to work.