Frozen!!

This is my last post for this trip home. I'm going back to Penang tomorrow. Yes, Penang here I come... This blog is gonna freeze for sometime again.

So I guess see you guys again when I'm back to live =)

Chao.

P/S: Gwapo, I still love you....

Missing You

Oh... love sick strikes again. It is weird that when you are missing someone you kinda like wishing for him all the time. My handsome was working at site today. At work, I refrained myself from looking for him. Well, I was busy too, so was he. But after work, I dropped him a message, asking him to rest early, since he must be tired working at site.

I came home to bath, had my dinner and was watching TV in the living room. Every few minutes I'd dig for my hand phone checking if he had received my message. It makes me sad that the message hadn't sent to him. So, I looked at his photos. It does soothe my heart, but I still miss him. Incomprehensible.  So I was looking back at our conversations, learning some Tagalog on the way. Suddenly, his message arrived. Apparently, he just got back. It was 9 O'clock. There had been a landslide on the way and he was stuck. Good thing he had his dinner while waiting for the passage to clear.

We talked a bit. So apparently he's going back to Penang early next month. So am I. So we said to meet in Penang =) It felt so glad after talking to him. It was no boyfriend talk. Just a normal greeting. But that makes up my day. I'm so happy now!! haha.

Therefore, I put up this music video. Just found this simply googling for "Missing you". Hehe... good night guys!! Matamis mga pangarap!!

Random

Matamis mga pangarap!!

Sing A Song To Soothe My Heart

It's a Saturday night. After a long day work, I messaged my gwapo greeting him evening and asked how was he. It was a simple friendship reply that he's just finished work and looking for place for dinner.

Of course, he's typed a bunch of words, which is pretty alien to me. I only grasped a few words thanks to Google Translate. But It was fruitful. That's how I get to learn my Tagalog though. So, I was planning to go out. But before that, I told him that I appreciate his tuition and that I would like to speak in Tagalog with him one day, when we meet. It was lovely.

Tonight, I finally got to meet with my friends, since ever I came back to KK. We met at our usual hangout place. They were singing on the karaoke, I was listening. I'm always a listener. But somehow, tonight I seem to have the feeling of missing him a lot more than usual. Maybe is the influence of the songs. I don't know. But every words in some songs I seem to feel him.

As usual, I covered myself up very well. So no one was asking if I were moody. Haha. Somehow, having someone to love is so different. I don't feel as horny as I used to be. I don't think of looking for ONS. I don't bother if anyone is looking for me for sex or what. I don't care. I seem to have filled my heart with him. Day and night, I think of him. I'm seriously in love with him I guess. Wonder if this is how love birds feel, before they are couples.

Anyway, I love him from the bottom of my heart. Someone shared before in Facebook. If you love him, you will let him go and be free. But if you really really love him, you won't let him go at all. So I guess I'm not there yet.

Good night!

Magandang Gabi Gwapo Aking

Hope my translation is correct. LOL~

Good night all!!

Confrontation O_O

It was a usual morning, I woke up in my hotel room. Getting ready to work and check my hand phone. I received message from my handsome wishing me good morning and said he was asleep already, I messaged "Sleep Well" in Tagalog to him the night before. It was all usual and I got my day started with busy meetings.

After the meetings, my colleague sent me to KL Sentral and I took my way to the airport. As I was sitting alone, it was evening. I received message from him. Poor him still working while the sun has gone down. It was casual talk. Suddenly he asked if I had both his Facebook account in my friend list. I only had 1 and 1 is pending for his approval. Then he asked again if I did send him message through Facebook.....

I honestly replied I did. Waiting for his respond. But he replied only "Ok" -_-" So I dared myself to ask if he has read of the message? I hope I hadn't troubled him. His reply was simple "Saya OK ja bah"... It was a relieve. At least he didn't hate me or reject me. That's the best I can wish for. Love can be so simple that it remains a 1 sided love. I guess. But I wished to tell him that I've never done this before. He's the first I've confessed to....

Then we talked of other stuff. He's happy and I'm happy. End of story.


Good thing it didn't go sour, our relationship. What more can I wish for.

Love him.

Adios!

Happy Deepavali!!

Magandang Gabi...

Today, is a celebration of Deepavali. Therefore, I hereby wish my Indian friends, Happy Deepavali.

At work, our vendor comes all the way from England. He's a handsome lad. Few years older than me. But he is damn handsome and has well kept body. Love to see his face. Haha.. But I still miss my Sob.

Anyway, yesterday I messaged him with "magandang tanghali". It means Good Afternoon in Tagalog. He's surprised and we had a small chat, exchanging messages. He did invite me to visit Philippine. I'd damn love to join him. But I need to act cool and told him to let me know when he's planning for the trip.

Haha.. I wish that dream come true. Anyway, nothing much to talk about. Just work on holiday. Nothing unusual to me. Just a perk to this is having a handsome "guai lou" in the office. It makes the work not so dull after all. haha..

Chao.

Expression #1

Dear Sob, I love you for who you are.
Thinking of you, warmth at heart.
Missing for you, like the melancholy rain.
Wishing of you, healthy and cheerful.
For I can't wait to see your sunshine smile.

I know I'm not the poet type. But I just gave a try. Hehe...

I wish I can ask him how he is, how's his day, what is is doing and so on... but nah.... who am I to ask. These questions can only keep at heart. Just wanna get a place to express a bit.

Excuse me.

Good night!

What Next??!

"Stars shining bright above you
  Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"
  Birds singing in the sycamore trees
  Dream a little dream of me~ "

Well, love sick still catching in my system. Help me doctor, I need cure. LOL~

After the daring act of sending the message, the stupid status there stated "Seen." I'm not sure if my love has seen it or not. There's no reply. Probably he's ignoring the message. I hope so.

I confidently say he ignores the message is because I whatsapp him a picture of food the other day. Is a food in our list of "to try" food. He replied. And I said next time I buy him dinner. And he said YES!

At least, I rather he had ignore my message to him. Just I assume that I sent to the wrong person. Haha.

Anyhow, this post is short. I'm gonna learn Tagalog. Since, I've encountered many Filipinos who like me. And I like them too - Yeah he is part Filipino. Ehehehehehe (exact word from him)

Peace.

Finding Sob...

Love sucks! I don't like the feeling. Probably this is the worst part of the loving game. Making you missing someone, feel the urge to confess to someone, feeling sad at times but happy at other times thinking of him, seeing his photos can make you smile and energize your day, having his memories sipping in at all those time gaps when you are not doing anything. Hoping that he would accept you. Ugh!!! This is frustrating... Maybe this is karma, for this has happen many times to me except that I'm the other opposite that others had hope to be with for...

I don't plan to reveal his name, but there's the hint. Sob. He happens to be my coworker from sister company. I only came to know him early this year. Being in need for this project, a surveyor is required on site. Therefore, he is imported from a sister company to come to site for surveying works. The first time I met him I was so mesmerized by his look. Handsome. A scruffy face, deep voice, broad shoulders, innocent looks, shadow of Adam Lambert. Now that he's in par with the handsome on top of my list for band of colleagues. But, knowing I have no hope for, I wouldn't put myself to imagine for him. He is just a mere admiration at eye sight.

Many months have passed, his service seem to be still in demand. Lucky me. Having all the chances I have to see him eat, sleep, sport, work, talk, walk, having fun and many more. On the plus side I do get to see him shirtless too.. haha! I've taught him swimming freestyle, which I'm proud to say he does swim well now.

The more I know of him, the more I like of him. Gentle, hardworking, no complaints, willingness to help others, kind to people, never calculative of things, simple. I like simple people. The other handsome at the top of my list is also a simple one. But all these don't push me to love him yet. Till then...

I do not know since when I have slowly let him crawled into my heart. One day, I came across a suggested group in Facebook, which he had joined. Found out that seem to be a gay group. Although is a public group, the first photo that came to me was three bears enjoying groupies. Its a cartoony drawing. The second photo appeared having a comic strip of a top doing someone in doggy style. I was shocked and closed immediately as I am in the living room where all my housemates are around (Yeah! for this project we travel to out of hometown to work). Secretly, I went to the toilet doing my "business" and browse with my hand phone.

Line after line of comments on the wall, I kindly grasp that it is a gay portal. But how can my handsome be there? Therefore, it came to my suspicious that he may be one of us. Wow! so exciting. I went to his profile, found that his comments, many have brought the sense that he had loved someone, missing someone, waiting for someone, rejected someone. All these, seem to be comment in a fellow gay's wall. Too, I have found that he had liked CF, for you know what if you are gay. NOT DRUGS!! of course. But then, later I found that he had another account and seem to have abandoned this one. But does he?

That has brought me to think of him. He can be a potential to be. I have been searching my The One. He probably is The One. Hell knows. But I had not put much thought of it. Except that I kinda like him even more. Observing his food, his laughter, his tiredness, his stories... I empathize him for being pulled out of his place and work with us. Yet I'm happy of his presents and company. However, I wish for him to be able to return soonest possible. Finally, last week was the day. He was told to return home. Flight had been booked on Sunday morning. Knowing of his return, we had planned for the Friday and Saturday and I had joined him and gang many days that week.

On Tuesday night, or so, he had suggested a good place for dinner in George Town (Yeah bitches, I'm in Penang...lnnL), Nasi Dalca. It sounds a good idea. Therefore, I suggested we go on Friday after work. It then became a plan. We executed it. The whole trip didn't seem to be abnormal or anything. But I did realize one thing. He's always sitting next to me or opposite me. Be it I wanted it that way or not (well mostly I wanted it so). On Friday morning, we were having breakfast, he came in late and chose to pull a chair sitting next to me, despite that he had company along. Few days ago, we had dinner together (bunch of friends) he was sitting opposite me, making me can't escape my gaze from him (more than willingly setting my eyes on him.. haha). Swimming time, he's most the time next to me, well this is arguable cause I too have the intention to be next to him. Then, on Friday night itself, we had dinner at Nasi Dalca Rahman. We were sitting at first a table with no shelter. I purposely sit far from him, making sure that I wanted to break the routine. But then, there was a place with shelter, therefore, we moved. Guess what, he pulled a chair sitting next to me too. I'm telling you this. I was damn happy at the moment. He did choose to sit next to me, maybe he wanted to sit next to the other colleague, but who knows. Still he was sitting next to me. Oh dear!

The next morning, we all planned a good trip all the way to the border of Thailand. Took a car and drove of. I wished to sit at the back seat, being that he was there. But I was told to sit front. Fine. Halfway, we stopped for breakfast. There again, he's opposite of me. Damn I'm feeling butterflies in my belly (Actually I don't know what it meant. Just copied from movies). There was a short moment of him and me alone. We didn't talk much but just a silence. Even so, I love the moment.

Picking up on the road, he had swapped seats. Now he's in the middle. All the way driving to Bukit Kayu Hitam, he's sitting forward, face close to mine. I damn love the feeling. Having him chatting, talking jokes, making fun. Then, we finally arrived the border of Thailand, and into Thailand. Was a cheerful journey. It was his first time being in Thailand soil. We took some photos, which I treasured a lot, having him in the group where I'm in too.

Shortly, we moved on to Padang Besar, Perlis. It's a shopping heaven for him. Well, being that  he's returning home the next day. He sure had lots to buy. It's happy to see him happy. He's bought a lot. Clothes and a cap. After that, we moved on returning down south. He's suggested a place for white curry noodles and we were paying the visit. Halfway in the heavy rain, we stopped for break. Greedily, 3 of us (him included) went to try on the Ramly Burger fast food chain store. There again, he was sitting next to me :) Had our chatter, rested and continued the journey. This time he's taking the wheel. Me? Still remain the front seat. Hell no I'm not gonna let this go!

At the destination, we were seated, he went to park the car. Again we relocated when he came, due to the striking sunshine. Guess what?!! I think you guys can guess well for this. So we ordered in total 5 bowls of Kari Putih Special. It was enjoyable. Big and delicious. But before that, the owner had requested for us to take photo in group. I am next to him. He too had passed his hand phone requesting for the picture shot. Later that day, he sent me those photos we had taken in Thailand and the restaurant. I'll keep it for in case when I miss him. Which I deed. Damn!

That was a fruitful day for him... and for me, emotionally. The next morning I didn't see him off. Knowing that he will be always in my heart. I would prefer he had a safe trip home. Then, nightmares come. I didn't know I would miss him so much until he had left for home. Every moments, every seconds as long I'm not occupied for sure I'll think of him. I would secretly withdrew his photo and looked at him. Stalked him in Facebook. He had another account which I have added. Waiting for him to accept but until today I have not received his acceptance. Its an odd feeling. Is like I wanna cry but I can't. I can still smile when I think of him, looking at his pictures. Is weird.

On Monday, I had kept myself busy working. A presentation is to be done the next day. So I had worked hard to fix the presentation. We worked late till 3 a.m. Finally, I could put on my blanket and dozed of for 3 hours.

On Tuesday, we got up early, drove down to Ipoh, done the presentation, had lunch and then went back home to sleep. It was 4 p.m. When I woke up, time didn't go far. It was only one hour later. His images started  to creep in my mind again. I couldn't get off of him. So, finally I built up the guts, dropped him a message expressing my feelings in his suspicious Facebook account. I didn't hope for anything. Only hoped that he had long abandoned the account and moving on with the new one. But he didn't. In the message box, my message is stated "Seen". Oh My God!!! It went to him. Now I'm shaking. What would he respond? Would he hate me? Would he fond for me? Would he ignore me? Would he resent me? All thoughts drawn down to my mind. But it made me even more depressed that he had no respond to my message. Although I had clearly written that he could ignore the message but please don't ignore me. Despite the love, I still treasure our friendship. I do.

Ahhh..... This feeling game still remains in me. Today, I happen to be in KL for business. Got to see some handsome. It does help to take him off my mind for a while. But, he comes back again when emptiness fills in. I do miss him. I do love him. I do wish him well and I do wish that he thinks the same of me.

I write this to keep our memories. I don't want to loose him as friend, at least. I would hope one day. I be able to meet him again. Whatever it be. As long he still takes me as friend. Damn. tears can't drop. I'm not sad or what. Is just this emotion is so complex. It is out of my comprehensive.