The Late Bloomer

Ever since after my college life, when people ask me "Do you have a girlfriend?" I'd reply with a "No" and some may come to the question "Have you ever in a relationship before?" Naturally I'd answer "No." too.. So that probably caught their interest.. "Really??!! you never had a relationship before? Have you fallen in love then?" The subsequent answers are "No." until they are satisfied.

How weird is it that I have not had a relationship before? I wonder.. To me, it seems common, cause I never look for one. Maybe I was ugly back when I was still studying. God knows why. However, fallen in love on the other hand, may have occurred to me. There are guys I kind of liked when I was schooling. But I'll always deny that and always assume I'd wish to have an elder brother like him. How silly~

When I was younger, in the primary... I've already liked guys now that I think back of. But, I never knew that even though my classmates or even schoolmates are calling me gay, akua and all other slang that refers as gay. Guess they knew me better than I am.

In secondary, the blooming of hormones and spring of love spreads all over the school. I see guys and girls are getting along together. Some even tried the freshness of First Kiss, or even I've heard someone made love to other girl and bla bla bla... But being on the goody two shoes side, I've kept myself low and unnoticeable. My brother on the other hand, is a bright person that is known to many. Therefore, he too have had his very 1st puppy love. I'm glade that he's at least straight. Unlike the unlucky me...

In those years up to my college life, I've tried to prove myself that I'm not gay, since I have erections to straight porns too. I even have tried to fall for a girl. Well, she's pretty enough. But not to that I'd like to know her and get close to her or sort. I was just as easily attracted to guys that are good looking that stays in the same block in my hostel. They tend to go topless which makes me even more distracted from my work... That's how I struggle myself all these times. Resist and deny... But I finally gave in.

In the age of 27, my last trial to prove that I'm straight. I've got nothing but to resort to find a prostitute. I found this site that introduces many places for prostitution in my area. So, I've picked a day and took 1 of the advices and when for a "massage". I did get erections, but I did not get much aroused by the lady and I ended up beating myself to cum. How sad that is.... This maybe one of my biggest secret I have let out... But, since that day, I have accepted what I am and admitted at least to myself that I am gay. But the plus point is, I have no reasons of not liking guys now. I may have not come out to anyone, but I can have my pleasure of admiring other guys as I am gay as born.

That's all for today.... such a long story.